Hey, hey, hey!
Today’s post is a bit more fun after the awareness month – put a bit of happiness back into my corner of the world wide web.
Well, some happiness anyway because it’s all about being a tall bird. And if you fit into that category, you’ll know that being tall isn’t all fun and games… here’s why.
I’m a bit of a weirdo and my height fluctuates more than my weight, in one hospital I’m 5’7″ and in another, I’m 5’9″ (and three-quarters, don’t forget that three-quarters of an inch). And while this is fab sometimes, it can be a pain in the ass at other times.
These are some of the issues us lanky bitches face on a day-to-day basis.
Finding clothes that actually fit, like, PROPERLY FIT, not just jeans that fit the waist but jeans that fit your leg length too. Because while the shop has slapped on a “long” sticker, you’re currently standing in the changies looking like you’re trying to bring back the three-quarter length trend. Either that, or you’ve raided your little sister’s wardrobe, or your mums shrunk half the washing again.
And it’s not just jeans that I have problems with! Finding dresses that don’t give you back boobs, but dresses that don’t show half your backside and let your neighbours know what you’ve had for breakfast too can be a hardship.
And don’t even mention jumpsuits!
That is unless you want to look like you’re rocking a camel toe because that’s the only way us tall girls are wearing a jumpsuit.
Oh, forget finding anything with long sleeves, too. It doesn’t happen.
And if you do, by some kind of miracle, manage to find clothing that fits in all the right places, then good look finding shoes that are actually nice and in your size.
. Trying to find women’s shoes in a size seven is a proper struggle, (thank the shoe gods that I’ve somehow dropped a shoe size and I’m now fitting into a size six). And if you do find your size, try finding your size in a shoe that isn’t ugly. Well, let’s be honest girls, that’s near impossible.
But clothing isn’t the only issue us tall birds have to deal with. Oh no!
Try getting a bath comfortably. You can have all the LUSH bath bombs in the world, but there’s something about being curled up in the foetal position that just takes the “relaxation” out of a bath.
And with the mention of baths, try shaving your legs while you’re there. Same thing applies to showers too, to be honest, try shaving your legs without practising some kind of contortionists routine. I know all girls hate shaving their legs, it’s boring, unnecessary and takes forever. And chances are, the little shitty hairs are growing back within 24 hours anyway, so what was the point? BUT, if you’re a tall bird, you’ve got loads more leg to shave and by the time you’ve finished one leg you need to take a nap because it’s been 3-5 working days and it just isn’t worth the hassle.
Oh, and try getting a group photo with your “average-height” mates without looking like the BFG lingering in the background. It’s that or crouch so you still look awkward.
And if we do find an outfit that fits, manage to have a nice bath, shave our legs and make ourselves look fabulous, then we’ve still got no hope in finding a fella because “lads like short girls”.
Ok, Hun, you’re not exactly Channing Tatum’s doppelganger so let’s not be picky here, take one for the team and come date a tall bird! Jeeeeeesus.
Having said that, good look finding a lad in Liverpool who is over 5’6 anyway. And if he’s above 5’6, bet you he’s a gobshite. Or a drug-dealer. Or an Evertonian who you could never take home to your dad anyway (I’m kidding.. kind of).
And as a little bonus moan about being tall, let me just confirm that rumour – we do get asked to get stuff from high places a lot more often than you’d think. I remember a little old woman stopping me to ask for her favourite magazine off the top shelf once. Now, I didn’t mind, it took two seconds and made her day but she then proceeded to tell me about all these stories that occur in the magazine and why it’s her favourite, etc.
Sorry girl, I don’t really care if Margaret from Warwick is having an affair with her sister’s husband.
So, like I said, being tall is not all fun and games, but there’s no way to change it. And to be fair, it’s got its perks. Like we don’t have to ask anyone to reach anything? (Imagine if we all started asking the short-asses to pass the stuff on the lower shelves).
And while we might be too tall for clothes on the high-street, we all know supermodels aren’t short so while we’re having a moan now, we’ll be the ones laughing when we’re strutting our stuff.. one day.. in our dreams.
With love & laughter,
Hayley @ Spoonful of Scouse,