Everyone from Liverpool will argue until they’re blue in the face (or red, kopites wouldn’t be seen dead going blue in the face, or anywhere else for that matter) that Scouse people are the best kind of people. And maybe we are a little bit biased (totally not) but who cares? We’re clearly fab.
But even scousers have things that get right on their tits. And you’ll only get it if you’re a real scouser (yeah, I’m looking at you lot across the Mersey, being from Liverpool isn’t the same as being from somewhere NEAR Liverpool). Anyway, here they are:
- Scousers on the telle: No matter how many times you’ve heard a scouse accent, no matter how many times your Nan calls you “Queen”, there is still nothing worse than hearing our accent on TV. Mostly because all the characters who are scouse always seem to be so stereotypical and annoying which just makes everyone, scouse or non-scouse, cringe.
- People who aren’t scouse, playing scousers on telle: On them rare occasions when a scouse character isn’t written in a majorly stereotypical way, they always get played by someone from Manchester or somewhere equally as non-scouse. Does Liverpool suddenly not have any casting agencies? Thought so.
- People from surrounding areas saying they’re from Liverpool: Soz but Runcorn, The Wirral and St. Helens aren’t Liverpool. Nice try though babe.
- Someone trying to imitate a scouse accent: Whether it be on the TV or someone on your jollies, it’s still cringier than your Dad dancing in front of your mates. Nobody wants a wool following them round Benidorm saying “chickkkken currrrry and a cccccan of cokeeeee”. We don’t sound like that. And you look like a knobhead.
- People asking you to “do your accent properly”: If the wool isn’t imitating your accent by shouting “chicken curry” behind you, then they’ll be asking you to say “chicken/curly wurly”. And when you don’t say it in a stereotypical, high-pitched, phlegm sounding voice? Then they’ll tell you to “do it properly”.
- Everyone asking “are you a red or a blue then?”: Personally, I am a Red. But surprisingly, I don’t want to discuss football in the middle of Concert Square on a Friday night.
- The 79 bus: If you’re from South Liverpool and you’ve ever had to get on that dreaded bus, I pity you. It’s always chocker and always has a funny smell to it. C’mon Arriva, sort your shit. (Side note: the new buses with the USB ports and free wifi were alright though, until arriva removed them again).
- Stereotypes of scousers: We don’t all go the shops in our pyjamas. Nor do we all wear shell suits, have curly hair and wave our arms in the air whilst shouting “calm down”. It doesn’t happen.
- Brookside – Brookside itself doesn’t annoy us. The fact nobody has brought it back, that’s what annoys us.
- The Daily Mail – This is more targetted at Aintree weekend, but if you look often enough, they just hate scousers. And we hate them right back.
- Lads who think they look good with a ketwig – Little tip lads: yous don’t.
- Primark – if you’ve seen my older post, you’ll know what goes through my head in that place.
- The queue in Zara – Don’t get me wrong, I love Zara as much as the next girl and the majority of my student loan can be found in their tills. But why is there always a massive queue. And why don’t they get more tills?
- The Scum newspaper – We all know who I’m on about. We don’t use their “real” name (their real name is the Scum but y’know).
- The fact we still don’t have a Selfridges – Come on! Just give us one. Manchester have two, we only want one!
- The rest of the world not calling it Home ‘n’ Bargain – You can tell us it’s Home Bargains as much as you want, you won’t change our minds.
- Cobbles – No matter where you go in Liverpool for a night out, you’ll break your neck on them cobbles.
- People asking if you know/are related to Steven Gerrard, The Beatles, etc – Someone, somewhere in the city will be. Obviously. Doesn’t mean we all are though, so no, I can’t get an autograph either. I’m sorry petal.
- Your dad always thinking he’s funny – All dads have awful jokes, but there just seems to be something about scouse dads. Or maybe that’s just mine…
Overall though, Liverpool is boss and I love being a scouser.
Let me know if there’s anything that annoys you about where you’re from.
With love & laughter,
Hayley @ Spoonful of Scouse